I. Academics & Schools

Academics & Schools

Six schools and twenty-four programmes. All share one lecture room, and none keeps a roll-call, an attendance register or a morning hour.

II. The Schools

The Six Schools

There are no walls between the schools, and no doors — there being nothing that requires opening.

School of Sofa Studies

The Sofa School

The founding school. Static load-bearing, the entropy of posture, the reachable range of a remote control, and the psychology of “five minutes more”.

V programmes · Head: Professor G. Reclining

School of Bedding Science

Bedding Science & Engineering

Duvet thermodynamics, pillow calibration, microclimate beneath the covers, and the quantitative modelling of delay.

VI programmes · A nationally self-assessed priority discipline

III

School of Takeaway Logistics

Takeaway & Cold-Chain Logistics

From the decision to order to the handover at the door: bundle optimisation, review reliability and the final twelve paces.

IV programmes · Ninety per cent practical credit

School of Streaming Arts

Streaming & Screen Arts

Serial narrative, the ethics of accelerated viewing, the technique of skipping opening credits, and the dramatic force of “one more episode”.

IV programmes · An all-night reading room is provided

Centre for Sleep & Delay

Sleep Medicine & the Study of Delay

The only body empowered to confer the Ph.D. (Doctor of Pillow). Responsible for the longitudinal study of “ten minutes more”.

III programmes · All practical work is conducted horizontally

School of Domestic Economy

Domestic Economy & Management

Refrigerator inventory, the allocation of loungewear as an asset class, and the theory of saving one hundred per cent by not buying.

IV programmes · Shares premises with Estates

III. Programme Directory

Programme Directory

Programmes admitting in MMXXVI. Every programme may be resat indefinitely; resitting carries neither fee nor consequence.

Selected programmes at undergraduate, graduate and doctoral level
Programme	School	Degree	Duration	Core Papers	Status
Sofa Ergonomics	Sofa School	B.C.	IV years, extensible	Static Load · Cushion Selection · Remote Dynamics	Admitting
Horizontal Studies	Bedding Science	B.A.	IV years, extensible	History of Recumbency · Horizontal Method · Ethics of Stillness	Admitting
Nap Engineering	Centre for Sleep & Delay	Ph.D.	At discretion of drowsiness	Sleep-onset Delay · Alarm Avoidance · Dream Sampling	Admitting
Takeaway Criticism & Decision Science	Takeaway Logistics	B.Sc.	III½ years	Bundle Game Theory · Review Credibility · The Notes Field	Admitting
Serial Narrative	Streaming Arts	M.P.	II years (by binge)	Suspense Structure · Credit-Skipping · Spoiler Immunity	Admitting
Refrigerator Inventory Management	Domestic Economy	B.Mgmt.	III years	Dating Archaeology · Shelf Optimisation · Leftovers as Assets	Admitting
The Courtesy of Muted Meetings	Streaming Arts	Certificate	I term	Camera Disabling · The Phrase “I am here” · Background Blur	Oversubscribed
Feline Jurisprudence & Territory	Sofa School (interdisciplinary)	B.A.	Indeterminate	Bed Title Law · Tail Language · Passive Concession	Under negotiation
Balcony Light Adaptation	Bedding Science	None	Undetermined	(The syllabus has not been drafted)	Suspended

B.C., Baccalaureus Couchiensis; B.A., Baccalaureus Accubationis; B.Sc., Baccalaureus Suppeditandi; B.Mgmt., Baccalaureus Penoris; M.P., Magister Pajamarum; Ph.D., Doctor Pulvini. None of these degrees is recognised by any authority, including our own Registrar.

IV. The Lecture List

The Weekly Lecture List

Michaelmas Term, MMXXVI · Lecture Room I (the bed), Bedroom Campus. The student's present posture takes precedence.

Approved by Council; deliberation lasted nil minutes
Day	09.00	12.00	15.00	20.00	Note
Monday	Online study transferred to the duvet	Practical: the ordering of luncheon	Private study	Serial Narrative (optional)	No morning engagements
Tuesday	Sofa Ergonomics	Nap Engineering laboratory	Nap Engineering laboratory, continued	Unsupervised reading	The laboratory must not be interrupted
Wednesday	No lectures	Refrigerator inventory	No lectures	Unsupervised reading	The default standing
Thursday	History of Recumbency	Bundle Game Theory	The Courtesy of Muted Meetings	Serial Narrative (optional)	Cameras remain closed throughout
Friday	Preparation for the weekend	Repose	Repose, continued	The weekend formally opens	Early entry is permitted
Sat. / Sun.	No instruction, meetings or functions are arranged				The University Cat is not to be disturbed

V. Academic Statutes

The Academic Statutes

The word occurring most often in our regulations is “not required”.

Statute I

No Roll-Call

Attendance was abolished at foundation. Presence is self-certified, and “present” is defined by the student.

Statute II

No Deadlines

Work has no due date. An assignment outstanding after six months is reclassified as a long-term research project and credited accordingly.

Statute III

Open-Duvet Examination

Every examination permits books, bedding and the refrigerator. Only one thing is prohibited: rising for the purposes of an examination.

From the Registrar

On enrolment for Michaelmas Term

The system is open. Candidates may also decline to enrol, which is recorded as enrolment in full.

On the discontinuance of morning lectures

Council found the morning hours to be in fundamental conflict with the University's objects. They are abolished in perpetuity.

On the results service

The service is under maintenance. A restoration date has not been set; the facility was never, in fact, commissioned.

Degrees of the University

Level	Degree	Requirement
Undergraduate	B.C. / B.A. / B.Sc. / B.Mgmt.	Four years of recumbent study, or the candid belief that four years have elapsed
Graduate	M.P.	Twelve complete series viewed
Doctoral	Ph.D.	One uninterrupted sleep, unbroken by an alarm
Honorary	D.H.C.	Seven consecutive days without an intention of going out

All degrees are conferred, printed and congratulated by the University itself.